since coming to Utah

We have been in Utah since Thursday and we have been busy. Since coming here I got to see Martha and Maggie (the first time I have seen Mags in a year) and Bekah too (we spent a few hours daydreaming yesterday of becoming next door neighbors); I went on a date with Ty; I spent lots of time with Ty's family; Ty, Cathy, and I went to the temple; then I said good bye to Ty Sunday morning. Ty came with us because he had an interview with a law firm in Provo. It went very well and is all I think about. I can't imagine coming back to Utah after only a few years of being gone. I would be so thrilled to be back here but can't get my hopes up. I think whatever is supposed to happen will happen so we will just have to see.

My kids happy in general, but they bounce off the walls when they are in Utah getting so much attention. It cracks me up how funny they both are. Thatcher is quite the fish in the bathtub and James isn't too far behind.


I am happy to be in Utah and happy to be with my wonderful kids. Thatcher continues to amaze me. He is talking more every day and understands so much. He repeats everything anyone says, he is super friendly and polite, he continues to be obedient and follow directions, and he is just the best little boy that has ever lived- I am convinced. James is crawling and all over the place and continues to be my perfect little squishy, chubby, happy bundle of joy. My life would be nothing without my two boys. I love them so much. That's why Thatcher is spoiled and gets crazy amounts of 'prizes' (like silly hamsters, endless amounts of cars, and anything else he shows interest in).

first professional haircut

Thatcher got his first professional haircut a few days ago and is so handsome. My mom and Kelly took him because we thought he would do better that way (he hates it when I clean his ears, pick his nose, or comb his hair so I knew it was going to be tricky). He did great and came home with a 'prize' from his nana and telling me how he was "so good!"

traumatized....seriously

Today Thatcher and I went outside to kick around a ball and enjoy the warm, stormy weather. We played with a potato bug, kicked around the ball for a while, and then Thatcher got distracted. He kept pointing to one of the lanterns lining my mom's walk way and saying, "bug." He loves bugs and seemed really exited about his discovery. He lifted up the lantern to look underneath as he was talking about the bugs and next thing I knew, a hive of hornets had swarmed around him as he was waving his arms and screaming, "bug, bug, bug!" I ran to him as fast as I could, picked him up, and flew in the house. My family was immediately there to help as I was shaking (and I will admit it, crying) and holding my poor baby. We covered the stings with cold towels, gave him tylenol and benadryl, 3 cups of orange juice (it was what he wanted...and he got it), and watched some "Cars" and he was good as new....except for the 5 hornet stings he had! One on his cheek, one on his neck, one on each hand, and the worst one was on his lip (which swelled up quite a bit because Thatcher couldn't help biting and sucking on it).

Thatcher was such a trooper, but I was terrified. I am emotional right now just thinking about it. To look over and see my perfect little boy surrounded by hornets just killed me. I had no idea if he was allergic and was praying everything would be ok. Josh was pretty shaken up by the whole ordeal and said a tear-filled prayer once Thatcher was calmed down. We were all so grateful that Thatcher was ok and know it could have been a lot worse. The only thing we are worried about now is how long it will take Thatcher to like bugs again. All afternoon he was saying, "bug hurt" which means that he hasn't forgotten the whole horrible ordeal.

He looks pretty happy in this picture though...just a few hours after.

a whole bunch of busy

The last two weeks have left me feeling tired, sick, and overwhelmed. Kelly and Josh came to visit us in Flagstaff for a very long week filled with a lot of home-sicknesses, sulking, fighting, tears, drama....and some fun too. It certainly wasn't as easy as I had anticipated it being, but the boys were in heaven and we all survived in the end. Here are some of the things we did (even though Josh is convinced we did nothing):

- went to Phoenix and swam with the Ridings all day one day

- went to a concert (an unforgettable family band of pirates) and 'movies on the square' (where we saw Over the Hedge)




- made chocolate chip cookies, snickerdoodles, and other good food

- got crafty! Kelly made a little backpack and a cute head band with flowers on it, Josh made a stuffed animal, and I made an apron, a wreath for the 4th of July, a cool pinchushion/sewing stuff organizer, and I appliqued on a bag of Thatcher's.

- went swimming (until a rainstorm came and sent us home early)

- had dinner at the cabin with the Garfields and grandpa and then spent an evening sliding and cliff jumping at slide rock (where Thatcher wasn't too excited about being in cold water).



- fed the ducks at the duck pond




- spent time at the library and at the park where we had a picnic

- went to the deer farm (where Josh was traumatized by hoards of deer surrounding him and trying to eat him)



- went to a performance by Chuck Cheesman...my favorite kids' singers

- spent a morning at the cabin playing with the Garfields (I went on a run with Carson which was fun for me)

I think that is a pretty good list considering taking care of my two kids, the fact that I was sick, and the drama that was going on. We had fun, but we are all a lot happier now that we are in Utah!

sunflowers, snuggling, sewing, and other stuff

Favorite thing to do these days....snuggling. I don't know if it is because James is so fat and fun to squeeze or because I don't get the nursing time with him that I did with Thatcher at this age, or just maybe that James is a snuggler, but boy do I love snuggling my baby. I think he likes it too. They are my calmest, happiest moments of the day.

What I am proudest of this week...the fish costume I made baby James. It is hilarious, only took me one afternoon, and I only spent $1.50.

What I am most dreading...James is crawling a little more each day. Sure it is an army crawl and he has to be very focused to got a few feet, but it is coming, and I am not ready. I didn't think a baby could grow any faster than Thatcher did, but I was wrong. I can't believe the newborn stage is over. As happy as I am to see my boys laugh at each other and interact with each other...I feel like I am the one getting the shaft. I want my newborn back...and I am not ready for a different newborn, I just want my baby James to stay that way...my baby James.

Cheapest thrill of late... picking sunflowers that grow everywhere here. I love real flowers and I love having them not cost a thing because they never last long enough.

Not so cheap, but still a thrill...I got Thatcher a zhu zhu pet last week. It is a little hamster that moves around anywhere and makes funny noises. It is so funny and Thatcher takes it every where. I made a little bed for it and hamster sleeps in his bed when Thatcher sleeps in the big boy bed. Last night we took it out of his room so Thatcher wouldn't accidentally bump it and wake up and this morning he woke up calling for his hamster. It cracks me up.

New lofty endeavor...to learn how to can, pressure cook, and become and expert bread maker. We learned about all those things last week at a relief society meeting and I left feeling a little overwhelmed and under-resourceful. However, since then I have made a batch of fruit leather and I bought dried beans for the first time last night.

Too much thinking... I love change, but it scares me too. Ty applied for a job in Provo and I can't stop thinking about it. I am aching for a change, but I don't know if I am ready for one either. It scares me to face the consequences of getting out of our house. It scares me to move to Gilbert where I will melt of heat. It scares me to move to Provo because I know we would never leave and I don't know if I am ready for that sense of permanence. But...I sometimes think either of those options would provide a much happier life for me, Ty, and the boys. I always thought when I was a mom and when my husband had a great job that we would feel settled, but I feel like there is so much uncertainty right now. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I need to fully commit to wherever I am and take change as it comes. But then again, change might not come if you never seek anything better. I want to be more confident, more outgoing, more selfless, more service oriented, and I want to have more friends. I haven't gotten very far in two years of living here and acknowledging that makes me even more nervous about starting over again.

End of summer in sight...the Garfields got to the cabin on Saturday. We had a great dinner with them Sunday, then saw them again yesterday. Josh gets here tomorrow, then it is off to Phoenix to pick up Kelly. A full week of entertaining the two of them, then back to Salt Lake for all of us (minus Ty). I will stay in Salt Lake until our Lake Powell retreat with Ty's law firm. With all the things we have planned, the summer is going to be over too fast. Way too fast.

normal?

This morning as I was frantically trying to feed James, clean the kitchen, and pack a gym bag...I looked over and saw Thatcher laughing and smiling while throwing cheerios all over the floor. He had apparently been at this for quite some time because there were cheerios everywhere. I could tell he was having fun and not trying to be naughty so I explained to him that we shouldn't put food on the floor and to please pick up all the cheerios. He started right then and even though it took him a while, every last cheerio made it back into the snack cup. Is it normal for a 2-year-old to be so obedient? How did I end up with the sweetest, happiest, funniest, greatest toddler in the world?

missing the cabin already

Last week we went down to the cabin for an afternoon and stayed for dinner with Whitney and her family. Thatcher loves being with Crew and Elizabeth and especially loves the cabin. We had such a good time while we were there even though we were stuck inside most of the time after getting poured on while on a little walk. Then, yesterday we went down to the cabin again to spend a couple hours with Claire and Cooper. I love that the cabin is a place for us to spend time with our family. Thatcher loves it there and really loves getting to see his second cousins. I am going to be really sad to not have it so close whether we move to Phoenix or back to Utah.

fasting

I fasted for the first time in almost three years. It felt good. I like doing something that physically shows Heavenly Father and reminds me that I am serious about what I am praying for. I hope this is the beginning of coming back for me. I don't know if anyone even knows I have been 'away', but my testimony and desire to live perfectly have been floundering in a big way for almost two years now. All anyone sees in the multiple callings I serve in, the fact that we go to church, and that I am a good visiting teacher. What they don't see is that the girl who used to know the Book of Mormon like the back of her hand hasn't read it in months and hasn't really studied it in over a year. The girl who used to pray on her knees morning and night and in between, now barely goes beyond the cliche and routine meal and family prayer. I need to start praying again, studying the scriptures again, and having faith in the Savior and his Atonement. I know it is somewhere back there in my mind and my heart, but the last two years have turned me into a very different person than I ever thought I would be. Here's to new beginnings.

(Oh...and the fasting was done because I am no longer nursing or pregnant for the first time in three years, not because of stubbornness like the other things I have slacked on.)

Today as a stake we fasted for all the homes that have been flooded here in Flagstaff. It is funny because it hasn't really stopped raining since yesterday, but I know a lot of people are praying and serving, and that Heavenly Father is watching over us all.

the big boy bed

A couple nights ago Thatcher woke up screaming about 20 minutes after putting him down. That is very not like him so I went and pulled him out of his crib and Ty and I tried to talk to him about what had happened. Though we never figured out what made him so upset, he has not wanted to get back in his crib since. That night Ty talked to him for a while and Thatcher slept in his big boy bed for the first time (Ty is such a miracle worker...I don't think I ever could have done such a good job preparing Thatcher for such a big transition). And he did it! He has not slept in his bed three nights in a row and taken two naps and doesn't seem to miss the crib a bit.

Last night Ty checked on Thatcher twice and both times found him sleeping on the floor. Thatcher also hasn't learned to stay in his bed and wait for us to come get us in the mornings (he comes out of his room, closes the door behind him, and slowly walks into our room to find us), but those seem to be the only glitches so far and he is adjusting really well.

Today I put both boys down at the same time in the same room. It wasn't super successful, but James got a good nap in and Thatcher at least wasn't jealous about James being in his crib. Thatcher would check on James, read books, sing, and maybe fell asleep fro a minute or two (he just fell asleep next to me while I type this, he is such an angel). I think Thatcher is excited about the idea of his baby sleeping close to him, but it might take a while for both of them to get used to each other.

So...another big milestone has been reached. These are always so exciting but definitely a little bittersweet. Ty told me that he has never really understood why have been so sad about Thatcher growing up so fast until now. Ty has been really sad about this new development. I think he is realizing how fast all of this is going. Thatcher isn't supposed to be doing big kid things. He is our first baby and seeing him grow up really is kind of hard. One thing is for sure though... we love our boys. I think having them in the same room is going to be really good for them and once they adjust it will be better for all of us.