Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

I just finished a very interesting book that made me think a lot about the mom I am, the mom I want to be, the mom I always thought I would be, and other things I never considered before. I have a lot on my mind, mostly questions, about what it takes to raise successful children.

Is it impossible for your kids to succeed unless you start when they are 3 and have them practice hours and hours a day? Are my kids going to be behind because I am not already drilling them with flashcards and learning activities each day? Will they not be able to live their dreams because I am not forcing them to be great right now?

Am I too permissive? Do I worry too much that my kids love me and not enough that they respect me and understand what authority means?

Am I selfish because I let them watch movies because sometimes I need a break and because I would rather bake cookies with Thatcher and snuggle with James then do structured learning activities?

Where does true confidence come from? I was built up constantly by my mom, but still lacked confidence, while in this book the mom is terribly harsh and mean because she expects perfection but then she feels like it only gives them more confidence because the children know they are capable of perfection.

How much is ok to expect of your kids? Do you tell them when something isn't good enough? Do you expect them to be the best? If they get a less than perfect score on a test, do you drill and drill whatever concept they missed so the next time around they are certain to do it perfectly? Do you make them work hard and make sure that they are good at something before you ever let them quit? I totally agree that things aren't really fun until you are good at them, and it takes a lot of work to become good. At what point to you let kids give up, at what point do you let an extracurricular activity take over your life? At what point do you just admit that your child is doing his/her best and can't get an A in a certain subject?

I think when it comes down to it, these are my three priorities and hopes for my kids.

1- That they grow up to be good people: kind, honest, hard working, etc.

2- That they are happy.

3- That they are successful.

I think Tiger Mother only cares about the success portion and is convinced that happiness and goodness naturally follow a successful life because of the hard work that it takes to get there and the satisfaction it brings. I guess I would rather have my kids be good and happy and less successful as long as the rest of their life fulfilled.

I don't know. Food for thought. I worry so much that I am not doing enough. I know I am not doing enough, but I think my kids are really happy too. Their happiness makes me happy, and I wonder how much forcing them to do certain things would contribute to long term happiness even if they made us temporarily miserable. I guess only time will tell. We'll see how James, Thatcher and the others turn out and how good, happy, and successful they are and if my very western way of parenting can produce children half as successful as the typical Chinese mother.

busy and blessed

The last couple weeks have been fun, but as usual, I overbook my life and it has felt super busy. Add to the typical businness: an hour each nap and bed time fighting with James to stay in his bed plus cleaning the house every time I leave it because more people have been coming to look at it plus random things like a ward temple trip, a CPR training, a new employee orientation for the gym, and a stake training and other evening activities that have been taking me away from my family at night....and I have been one tired (and sometimes grumpy) mom.

We have had fun during the days going to story time, gymnastics, swimming, and playing with friends, with the new puppet theater I made the boys, and dressing up like Finn McMissile (that has been the favorite character of late).

I love that Thatcher always wants me to take pictures of him, that he says please all the time, that he loves cooking with me, that he is obedient, and that he is always so creative. He is the best kid and my heart melts every time we have a little chat and I get to hear his funny ideas. He has been so excited about sunbeams and has done a great job the last two weeks going to primary with all the big kids.

James is my snuggle bug and he makes me laugh every time he says, "hi boys" to me and Thatcher, "thanks man" (where he got that I have no idea), "I did it, I did it!" (even when he has successfully accomplished something naughty), and how every time he is poopy he says, "poopy again". He is getting very good at staying in time out and waiting for the beep (which sadly happens way too often because of his naughtiness). James has peed in the toilet three times int he last week. It is entirely thanks to Ty and very exciting. I know it will be a long time before we are ready, but he is already showing promise at understanding the concept. James has been climbing out of his crib for a few weeks, but we finally had a traumatic fall and decided it was time to be done with the crib. Now James is sleeping in a big boy bed and it is going to be a long process getting him to stay in it. Oh how I love cribs when they work.

This morning the boys were super excited about the snow plow going back and forth and watched it on their stools for a very long time.My boys before church. Thatcher and James are sporting the ties I made them. Thatcher's turned out great and he will wear it a bunch, but after one Sunday James's tie is already ready to be retired.As a special treat we had ribs (and baked beans) the other night. Thatcher ate as many ribs as Ty and me. He can be a pretty impressive eater. Last week Ty told me he ate 3 big pieces of pizza while I was at my CPR training.
My boys eating banana bread. Thatcher and I made a double batch last week and I think it was gone in two days. It is all they would eat...Ty and I had our fair share too.

A girl

We found out a month ago that we are expecting a girl! I had some complications with my pregnancy right when I got home from Switzerland and was on bed rest for a few weeks so I was hesitant to publicize the news any more, but the ultrasound I got showed a healthy, growing, baby girl. We are so excited! I can't wait for the bows, the cute tights, dresses, and everything girly. We need a little bit more sweetness in our home and I think a baby girl is going to be just the trick!