Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

I just finished a very interesting book that made me think a lot about the mom I am, the mom I want to be, the mom I always thought I would be, and other things I never considered before. I have a lot on my mind, mostly questions, about what it takes to raise successful children.

Is it impossible for your kids to succeed unless you start when they are 3 and have them practice hours and hours a day? Are my kids going to be behind because I am not already drilling them with flashcards and learning activities each day? Will they not be able to live their dreams because I am not forcing them to be great right now?

Am I too permissive? Do I worry too much that my kids love me and not enough that they respect me and understand what authority means?

Am I selfish because I let them watch movies because sometimes I need a break and because I would rather bake cookies with Thatcher and snuggle with James then do structured learning activities?

Where does true confidence come from? I was built up constantly by my mom, but still lacked confidence, while in this book the mom is terribly harsh and mean because she expects perfection but then she feels like it only gives them more confidence because the children know they are capable of perfection.

How much is ok to expect of your kids? Do you tell them when something isn't good enough? Do you expect them to be the best? If they get a less than perfect score on a test, do you drill and drill whatever concept they missed so the next time around they are certain to do it perfectly? Do you make them work hard and make sure that they are good at something before you ever let them quit? I totally agree that things aren't really fun until you are good at them, and it takes a lot of work to become good. At what point to you let kids give up, at what point do you let an extracurricular activity take over your life? At what point do you just admit that your child is doing his/her best and can't get an A in a certain subject?

I think when it comes down to it, these are my three priorities and hopes for my kids.

1- That they grow up to be good people: kind, honest, hard working, etc.

2- That they are happy.

3- That they are successful.

I think Tiger Mother only cares about the success portion and is convinced that happiness and goodness naturally follow a successful life because of the hard work that it takes to get there and the satisfaction it brings. I guess I would rather have my kids be good and happy and less successful as long as the rest of their life fulfilled.

I don't know. Food for thought. I worry so much that I am not doing enough. I know I am not doing enough, but I think my kids are really happy too. Their happiness makes me happy, and I wonder how much forcing them to do certain things would contribute to long term happiness even if they made us temporarily miserable. I guess only time will tell. We'll see how James, Thatcher and the others turn out and how good, happy, and successful they are and if my very western way of parenting can produce children half as successful as the typical Chinese mother.